Miracle Mondays – Finding Strength

If, last year, I would have been presented with the scenario of my life right now: watching my sweet son weaken and struggle to survive. Sitting by his crib, rubbing his head, and cleaning up his vomit. Watching his eyes roll backwards, seizing to the point that he starts to bite his tongue and lip. Picking him up and holding him in my arms, with four different lines and tubes connected to his little body. All while eight and a half months pregnant, with my husband away at work.

My response would have been: I wouldn’t have the strength.

Yet, I have learned over these last six months just how strong I am. Strength is acquired, not inherent; it is revealed in the twilight of the stormy days, not the sunny ones. And realizing and admitting one’s weakness is not contrary to finding strength. In fact, doing so is the only way of achieving it. I am strong but no woman is an island. My weakness is my isolation (emotional and situational) and my strength is derived from the endless support I have from community, friends, family and Theo’s care team.

Each one of us will fight a unique battle at different points in our lives (whether it be with illness, relationships, careers, money, stress…), the key is using these battles to find our strength and refocus on what matters. And, we all have the strength necessary regardless of our struggle because when the time comes being strong will be the only option available.

Theo’s seizures have increased in intensity and frequency over the last few weeks. A few days ago, we started him on a new medication (administered continuously via a subcutaneous line in his arm) to help control their devastating effects. Today, Theo’s doctor came by for a visit and told me that the seizures will only get stronger and more frequent until eventually he can’t recover from one of them. Stay strong, he told me as he was leaving. When the time comes, stay strong. It’s the only option I have, I responded.

Today’s miracle is finding strength in the storm and all those who help light the way.

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5 comments

  1. Hello, my name is Tara. We attend Harrow Baptist. Our family have followed Theo’s journey from afar as we don’t know you personally. But I just want you to know that there are others like us who admire your strength and pray for your family everyday. Thank you for sharing your story with us ♡

  2. Hi Ashley, Mark and Theo, it’s Cathy Simunovic from Timmins. I look forward to your updates each Monday, albeit at times a little anxious about what I’m going to read. I stand in awe of the person you have become, and perhaps always were. Your ability to articulate your thoughts and emotions is remarkable. I have to believe that your composing each blog has a therapeutic benefit to you and allows you the opportunity to purge some deep and heartfelt emotion. Theo is truly blessed to live you as his mother as is Mark to love you as his wife. Know that this season of your life is one of trial and tribulation as well as a time of growth and change. You are embracing all of this with such grace, strength and love. I will say to you to stay strong as well, but my prayer of strength for you is a strength of enduring love, compassion and peace. Today and every day you and your beautiful family are prayed for. Xoxoxo

  3. ❤ My heart breaks a beautiful Baby Boy I have never met and his incredible parents who love without end. You are the true meaning of Hope, Love and Family ❤ Always in our prayers ❤

  4. ❤ I wish now, more than ever, that I could give you some of my strength. I know it's not possible, but if ever it were, I would do it. Now. ❤ Keeping you in prayers for your heart and mind to be at peace and that you would be weak enough to lean on God's strength in the days and weeks and months to come. ❤

  5. Have been thinking of your family-as usual. It’s become a habit to check in on Mondays. Hope all is well with baby Theo, and baby number 2. Sending lots of positive energy.

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